My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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