i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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