You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
