just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
There r osticjed everywhere
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
