i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
