toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
