Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
