At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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