I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
