he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize