I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
