Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
