This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
