it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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