using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
