so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
