got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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