i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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