so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
