sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
we're so committed to being not committed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
