Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
