i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
