it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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