in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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