It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
