oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
