apparently the secret to your success is patron
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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