My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize