It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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