apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize