my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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