you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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