last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
