So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
