The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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