so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
