I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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