who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
