just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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