Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
