whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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