So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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