You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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