the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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