The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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