I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
