nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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