I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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