I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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