Me. At least after what I've been through.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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