did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
