upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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