the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
