well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
