I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize