I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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