In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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