cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
