I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
