so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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