I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
