I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
