Barsexuality is the new black.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
