Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
