omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
