the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
